keyake: Photo of me smiling with a mask on my head (mask)
 Yesterday I got a job offer I'd been waiting on for quite a few weeks - a job doing addictions counseling in a different city. I have tentatively accepted. Soon I will inform my boss and my tentative start date is Feb 6. This job entails moving to Charlottesville, VA, a town I've never lived in but which is nestled right at the foot of the mountains, an hour west of Richmond, VA. I have good vibes from the place, and from the team I will be working with.

It's daunting to think about picking up and moving away. I've lived here in my little house for three years without roommates, with a garden and without having to pay much rent. I don't much care for the culture of the area, but I'm sure I've gotten a lot more used to being near the beach than I think. I do think the new job will be good for me... it's funny, many big life changes I know I ought to feel more strongly about, but when they happen, it seems unsurprising and like my emotions just shrug and carry on. I don't know if that's just the depression or if it's how I'm wired, possibly I have a wait-and-see attitude regardless of what the change is.

I'd like to be more of myself again, and use my time more efficiently and creatively, and I think this new job will allow me to do that. I will be closer to the mountains and many beautiful trails and forests. I think I will learn new things and grow as a professional. In short, yay?
keyake: (3lf)
Here we are - just different enough from Livejournal to let me relax enough to type. Maybe it's the lack of years of written baggage, maybe the interface is juuust enough different. Either way, attempting to write a first entry here is a great deal more productive than telling bad nacho pun jokes to my cats. 

Grad school has me in its teeth and I sort of completely forgot to celebrate Imbolc, so much like the rest of this celtic year so far I'll be celebrating a week or two later than the "official" date. I have found that slowly grinding towards better habits works well for me, better than grandiose plans, although those can help to frame or set my goals. I've been stretching/doing minor home workout things over the past week or so, I just finished the data collection/artmaking part of my thesis/capstone this weekend and the end is sort of in sight.

I don't know where, literally where, this year will take me, but I want to put in work to improve my skills, maybe even pick up a few new ones, and be a better practitioner spiritually as well. I've been updating my webcomic on the regular too - goals in that direction include continuing to update at least once a week, updating the website design, and promoting it more. I applied to SpiderForest on a whim, which is a collective of comic makers that are pretty talented overall. Even the act of applying feels good, although looking back through all the older art... well, at least it shows how much my artwork has improved!

I want to continue to paint, sculpt, sew, craft, write, garden, do things with will and intention. More on those things as they commence, I guess. The dreaming has been interesting lately - I really need to start writing those down when I wake up, because I forget them as soon as the day begins properly. Anyway, stay tuned to this space, please tell me what's going on with your life this year and what some of your thoughts or goals are. Much love.
keyake: (Default)
Freedom is:

The wind in my hair.
The smell of trees on that wind.
The act of making something.
A fresh mug of tea.
The Ocean and its waves.
Springsummer storms.
The smell of autumn.
Dancing with reckless abandon under many colored lights.
Dancing with reckless abandon in the moonlight.
Being silent as shadows.
Burning bright as the stars.
Surprise kisses.
Embracing darkness without fear.
Fearlessness.
Living dreams mindfully.
Knowing when to step away.
Bending as the path bends.
Welcoming those surprises.
Letting yourself be happy.
Never giving in, or at least, not for long.
Holding hands.
Letting go without losing what cannot be lost.
keyake: (Default)
There is some restlessness upon me; something wistful, a longing, a pulling at my bones and a storm of echoes in my head. There is a tension unbearable in me and I cannot find its roots. I do not know what would quench this feeling, and it's been long since it's been on me so strongly.

I want to roam the spring forest beneath the full moon that hangs outside in the sky. I want to dress in my leathers and stalk the shadows with heart-friends who still have that fragment of Wild in them, that feral essence that hums to the invisible tides of existence. Some of them I have lost with time, some I have still in my present, and some I have not yet met. I want to laugh and scream and cry and dance; I want to hold perfectly still and breathe in the night.

I feel caged by this city and caged by the boundaries I have placed on myself, on my life, on the construction of my dreams. I feel the need to shake them off and go running into the unknown. I feel the need to embrace the darkness and fill myself to the brim with moonlight and starlight and drink it til I drown.

Yet this feeling, this torturous and nebulous feeling of being caught betwixt and between worlds and selves and ways of being, between having and not having whatever it is that would quench this terrible thirst - I have to wonder if this isn't the feeling of being truly alive. All moments touch.
keyake: (Default)
I think, she said to herself, that I'll make a place to keep record of my thoughts and experiences in this transitional period of my existence.

I don't use livejournal for that anymore, not really. And while I like paper journals, the most successful ones I've ever kept have been digital. This is a place of self exploration.

I am an illustrator, a writer, a witch stumbling down a path that is decidedly shamanic. I talk to trees and grow tomatoes and eggplants under tiny fluorescent lights. I currently live in a place that reminds me of both Lost Boys and Aladdin. I'm still figuring out where my path is going next.

Do I really want to be in the videogame industry? Is it even possible, since no one ever responds to my resumes? What about comics - is there a future for me there? Teaching? Tattoos? I want badly to travel, to live far away places, and yet I don't want to move even further away from my mother and my dearest friends.

This spring and summer, I suspect, will go far towards sorting out these questions. Hopefully this journal will help.



For now, a list of goals:
x. Figure out how to engineer the potting and structure of a sustainable window garden
x. Become more physically fit
x. cook more of my own food
x. do not shoot self in foot

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